Sarah stared at her phone screen, reading the text message for the third time: “Congratulations! You got the job.” Instead of jumping with joy, her stomach twisted into a familiar knot. Within seconds, her mind was racing through everything that could go wrong. What if she wasn’t qualified enough? What if they discovered she was a fraud? What if this was all a mistake?
She set the phone down and took a shaky breath, wondering why good news always felt like the calm before a storm. Her friends would celebrate for days after news like this, but Sarah was already bracing for impact.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Millions of people experience what psychologists call an anticipation reflex—a learned response that turns positive moments into anxiety triggers.
The Science Behind Feeling Uneasy During Good Times
The anticipation reflex isn’t just pessimism or negative thinking. It’s a deeply wired survival mechanism that develops when your brain learns to associate good moments with incoming danger. Your nervous system becomes hypervigilant during positive experiences, constantly scanning for threats.
“When someone has experienced unpredictable trauma or chaos, their brain starts treating calm moments as warning signals,” explains Dr. Michelle Torres, a trauma specialist. “The nervous system learns that good things are temporary and usually followed by something painful.”
This response often develops in childhood. If you grew up in an unstable environment where praise was followed by criticism, or peaceful moments were interrupted by conflict, your brain built a protective mechanism. Good news became a cue to prepare for bad news.
The anticipation reflex shows up differently for everyone. Some people immediately start planning for failure the moment they succeed. Others feel physically sick when things go well. Many find themselves sabotaging good situations before they can fall apart naturally.
Common Signs Your Brain Is Stuck in Anticipation Mode
Recognizing the anticipation reflex in yourself can be tricky because it often feels like “being realistic” or “staying prepared.” Here are the most common patterns psychologists observe:
- Feeling anxious or physically uncomfortable when receiving compliments or good news
- Immediately thinking about what could go wrong after something positive happens
- Difficulty celebrating achievements or milestones
- Waiting for the “other shoe to drop” during happy periods
- Self-sabotaging relationships, jobs, or opportunities when they’re going well
- Feeling more comfortable during stressful times than peaceful ones
- Apologizing excessively for good things that happen to you
“I see clients who literally cannot sit still during vacation because they’re waiting for something terrible to happen at home,” notes therapist Dr. James Chen. “Their bodies have learned that relaxation equals vulnerability.”
| Healthy Response to Good News | Anticipation Reflex Response |
|---|---|
| Feeling grateful and excited | Immediate anxiety and dread |
| Wanting to celebrate and share | Keeping quiet to avoid “jinxing” it |
| Planning how to build on success | Planning for inevitable failure |
| Feeling deserving of good things | Waiting for punishment or consequences |
Why Your Past Keeps Hijacking Your Present
The anticipation reflex doesn’t just appear randomly. It’s usually rooted in specific life experiences that taught your nervous system to stay alert during good times. Understanding these origins can help break the pattern.
Childhood trauma is one of the biggest contributors. Children who experienced neglect, abuse, or unpredictable caregiving often develop this response. If your parent praised you one day and screamed at you the next, your brain learned that positive attention might signal incoming pain.
But you don’t need major trauma to develop this reflex. Growing up with highly critical parents, experiencing sudden losses, or living through periods of financial instability can all trigger this protective mechanism.
“I had a client whose mother would give her beautiful gifts and then take them away as punishment,” shares Dr. Elena Rodriguez, a clinical psychologist. “As an adult, she couldn’t accept presents from her husband without feeling terrified he would somehow use them against her.”
Perfectionist environments can also create this response. If you learned that success meant higher expectations and more pressure, your brain might start treating achievements as burdens rather than celebrations.
The anticipation reflex can also develop after experiencing sudden, unexpected losses as an adult. People who’ve been through surprise layoffs, sudden breakups, or health crises sometimes develop this hypervigilance around positive experiences.
Breaking Free from the Anticipation Trap
The good news is that the anticipation reflex can be rewired with patience and the right strategies. Your nervous system learned this response to protect you, but it can also learn that safety and joy can coexist.
Start small with what therapists call “tolerance building.” When something good happens, notice the physical sensations in your body without trying to change them. Are your shoulders tense? Is your stomach churning? Simply acknowledging these responses can begin to shift them.
Grounding techniques can help when the anticipation reflex kicks in. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 method: name five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. This brings you back to the present moment instead of future catastrophes.
“Teaching people to stay present during positive moments is like building a muscle,” explains Dr. Torres. “The more you practice tolerating good feelings, the stronger that capacity becomes.”
Some people benefit from reframing their thoughts. Instead of “This can’t last,” try “I’m safe right now” or “I can handle whatever comes next.” The goal isn’t toxic positivity—it’s realistic present-moment awareness.
Professional therapy, particularly trauma-informed approaches like EMDR or somatic experiencing, can be incredibly helpful for people with deep-rooted anticipation reflexes. These methods help process the original experiences that created the response.
Learning to Trust Good Moments Again
Recovery from the anticipation reflex isn’t about becoming blindly optimistic or ignoring real problems. It’s about learning to differentiate between past wounds and present reality. You can acknowledge that bad things sometimes happen while still allowing yourself to enjoy good things when they do.
Many people find it helpful to create small rituals around positive experiences. Maybe you write down three good things that happened each day, or you call a friend to share good news instead of keeping it secret. These practices help retrain your brain to associate positive events with connection and gratitude rather than fear.
Remember that healing isn’t linear. Some days you’ll catch yourself spiraling into worst-case scenarios after receiving a compliment. Other days you’ll successfully sit with joy for whole minutes without waiting for disaster. Both experiences are part of the process.
“The goal isn’t to never feel anticipatory anxiety again,” notes Dr. Chen. “It’s to recognize when it’s happening and choose how to respond rather than being hijacked by it.”
FAQs
Is the anticipation reflex the same as anxiety?
While related, the anticipation reflex is more specific—it’s anxiety that gets triggered specifically by positive events or calm periods, rather than general worry.
Can this response ever be helpful?
In truly unpredictable or dangerous situations, heightened awareness can be protective. However, it becomes problematic when it prevents you from enjoying safe, positive experiences.
How long does it take to overcome this pattern?
Recovery timelines vary greatly depending on the underlying causes and individual factors. Some people notice improvements in weeks, while others need months or years of consistent work.
Should I force myself to feel happy about good things?
No, forcing emotions usually backfires. Instead, focus on tolerating and observing your responses without judgment. Acceptance often leads to natural shifts over time.
Can medication help with anticipation reflex?
Anti-anxiety medications can sometimes help manage the physical symptoms, but they work best combined with therapy that addresses the underlying patterns and beliefs.
What if I sabotage good things even when I know I’m doing it?
Self-sabotage often happens automatically before conscious awareness kicks in. Working with a therapist can help you identify triggers and develop alternative responses before the sabotaging behavior occurs.